Better to Laugh

Summer vacation is ending soon in our school district.  We teachers are back at our program August 5.  Wow, that feels really early!

It seems like just yesterday we were celebrating Independence Day.  Our family (brother and fam, Mom and Dad, friends) went camping for the July 4th weekend.  It was extremely hot, so we went to the campground beach to celebrate the holiday.  My sister-in-law and niece swam out to the buoy and back using buoyant “noodles.”  When they got back, I decided to give it a go.  I have open water swimming experience through sprint triathlons, so I felt comfortable swimming to the buoy and back without assistance. 

Halfway out, alone, I realized that there were no lifeguards or rescuers on jet skis.  It was just me and water too deep to touch and too murky to see more than a few inches down.  I started to tense as I pondered the fact that none of my family are good swimmers, and if I should get a cramp or start feeling dizzy from the rocking of the boat wakes, help was a few minutes off.   I would be a goner.  A little pang of panic struck, but then I talked myself into relaxing and enjoying the swim.

On the way back to the designated swim area, it occurred to me that I had forgotten to make a point of reference on the shoreline.  I was way off course (accidentally went to farthest buoy), and I wasn’t sure which group of people were my family.  I finally got close enough that they started waving their hands to get me back on course.  When I got back to them, I said to my husband, “That was probably pretty stupid.”  “He just smiled and said, “Ya think?” 

In the future I will be safer and have someone swim beside me with an inflatable ring.  Sometimes we  feel invincible, until we realize there are no safety nets.

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I ran my fastest half marathon today:  2:24:12…and that was in 48 degree temps with a windchill of 38 to 40 degrees and wind gusts up to 40 miles an hour!  Brrrrrrrr!  The other 30,000 people kept it somewhat warmer while we waited to start, but my teeth were still chattering.  I might not be able to walk tomorrow, but it was so fun!

I asked my husband if he ever thinks about things, or if his mind wanders, while he is running.  He said he just strategizes and tries to pick someone close to his pace and tries to get ahead of him, and then he picks another person, and so on.  Not me!  I think of lots of things.  Like today:

• Miles 1-4:  These walkers are killing me!  I can’t get my pace!  This is the most miserable Mini ever!  Can I squeeze between those two women?  Why do people throw their sweatshirts, plastic bags, etc. on the course when they take them off?  I hope I don’t trip on them and fall; that would be just like me.  
• Mile 5:  I feel more comfortable.  I have my pace, and I am warming up.  Hey, that guy is really tall.   Should I sip some water or Gatorade at every station?  What if I have to go to the bathroom?
• Mile 6:  I am almost halfway.  I promised myself to run the first half and then run/walk the second half.  This watch is awesome!
• Mile 7:  More than halfway, but I want to keep running.  How far do I have left?  Let’s see…5 miles…no wait, 7 miles…no that would be 14 miles…6 miles, hmmm, that’s still a long way to keep running.  The track is crowded (500 Speedway).  I know I’m not supposed to run on the grass, but I have to pass these people.  Oooo, the grass feels nice!  Okay, off the grass, there is  guy warning people to get off of the grass ahead.  Those cheerleaders are sure perky!
• Mile 8:  Wow, I am still running!  I am going to eat my cookie at the end and enjoy it with no guilt about calories.  I think I will text Terry (husband) how well I am doing, in case he goes back to the car to get his phone. Oh, oh.  My foot is starting to hurt.  Should I stop and stretch?  Wow, if I keep my pace up, I can qualify to get a preferred start next year (finish in less than 2:28).  I need to stretch and re-tie my shoe.  Okay, that didn’t take long. 
• Mile 9:  I can feel my big toenail; it is feeling a little sore.  Hello big toenail.  I hope you don’t turn colors again.  I guess I will keep getting water; I shouldn’t need a bathroom break at this point.  My pace is still good.  Texting Terry my time so he will know when to look for me.  I sure hope these new bib timing devices work.  I will be really pissed if I push myself and they don’t have my time.
• Mile 10:  Only a little more than 3 miles to go.  I can do this.  My foot hurts again.  Should I stretch?  I have time.  My foot still hurts a little, but Terry said sometimes he has pain, but he just keeps going.  I will keep going.  Hey, I feel like a real runner!! I wonder if Dad can see me?  (father-in-law that recently passed away).  If you are there Dad, run with me awhile.  I imagine him laughing.  Brad (son) calls around 10.25 miles and asks, “How’s it going?”  I yell over my iPod, “I am running the Mini!”  After he responds, “Yeah, how are you doing?”  I tell him my time and say, “Gotta go, love you!” and hang up.
• Mile 11:  Run, walk, run, walk…keep moving!  Oh, that guy I passed is passing me; I am going to pass him back.  Still on track with my time.  I smell donuts, must be a bakery.  I will run for donuts!
• Mile 12:   Almost there!  I am good on time; I think I will walk a little.  My favorite running song is playing on my iPod; I will run, again!  Some lady is yelling like a drill sergeant to keep moving.  She would make a good drill sergeant.  Okay, time to run some more.  I see the finish line!  Run, run, run!  I am good on time; I am going to make it!  There will be big trouble if this timing device doesn’t work!
• Mile 13.1:  I did it!!!  Woo hoo!!  This feels great!  Where are the foot things?  Oh yeah, the timing device is on the bib.  Where are the cookies?  Yum!  They have my results; the timing device worked!

I told my husband some of the things I think about and asked again if he thinks of anything other than the race.  He said, “No, I just think about beating the next guy.”  Wow, maybe I will get to that point, but I doubt it.

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When you look at the ingredients list of your favorite snack cakes, cookies, etc., you might need a chemist to explain some of them.  Homemade has to be better, right?  Not necessarily.  My sister-in-law makes two of my family’s favorite desserts:  Ho Ho cake and Heath Bar cake.  Sound harmless? 

I needed a dessert for a pitch-in at work, so I looked up these two recipes.  The Ho Ho cake filling is made of Crisco, butter, sugar, etc. and the Heath Bar cake has raw egg yolks in the topping.  So, clog your arteries or get salmonella?  I chose to make the former, hoping to exercise the fat out.  There is a lot to be said for a ripe, juicy orange. 

I will of course have  a piece of Ho Ho cake; although, I don’t think I will enjoy it as much as when I was blissfully ignorant of exactly what I was putting into my mouth.

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Today I met some coworkers right after school at a local restaurant to discuss a book we had just read.  Since it was more than 80 degrees out, I decided to eat a snack and run at dusk.  I had nachos with melted cheddar cheese, tomatoes, sour cream, and jalapeno.  Three hours later the sun had dipped behind the trees, and my stomach felt okay, so I decided to hit the road.  Three hours was not enough time to wait after jalapenos.  A couple of minutes into my workout I could feel a deep burn up my esophagus and into my throat; it stayed with me for the entire run.  What was I thinking?!

The digestive juices weren’t the only thing causing me pain.  This spring has been very mild.  Everything is in bloom, and there has not been a frost to keep the flora under control.  Every flowering tree is laden with blossoms, creating a thick, suffocating fragrance in the air.  As one of our teaching assistants stated, “Nature is choking me!”

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