Better to Laugh

A lunch break discussion turned to relationships:  good ones, bad ones, happy ones, sad ones, etc.  I reflected on my marriage relationship and how we have done over the last 17 years.  No relationship is perfect, but why does our marriage work so well (especially after we both had first marriages that ended badly).  Here is my top 10 list of how my husband and I make it last:

10.  The blog name says it all.  Even after 17 years it is better to keep laughing at those little quirks that you thought were so cute when you were dating, rather than let them become annoying habits that you want to strangle your mate over (like a weird laugh).

9.  Learn from your mate.  If your mate is better at finances, learn some of their secrets on spending, saving, delaying gratification, etc.  Maybe they can learn from you how to loosen up a little and not vault every penny earned.

8.  Admit when you are wrong.

7.  Graciously accept an apology when your mate admits they are wrong.  No, “I told you so,” or “Wow, let me get this one in the history books.”

6.  Look for ways to  support your mate.  If you have a snow day, get up when they do at 4:30 a.m. and clean off the driveway while they shower and eat.  Remember, love isn’t really those butterflies in your heart (that could be acid reflux); love is an action verb.  Also, figure out their definition of giving and receiving love.  Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages is an excellent resource.

5.  Show gratitude for your mate’s efforts to love and support you; don’t take your mate for granted.  A sincere “thank you” goes a long way.

4.  Fight fairly.  Two imperfect people coming together will have disagreements.  Learn to fight fairly, which includes attacking the problem, not the person.  Also, it is better to listen twice as much as you speak; give credit to truthful statements, even if you don’t like what you hear.

3.  Do things together.  Workout, play golf, see movies, clean the house, work in the yard, attend sporting events, go grocery shopping, etc.  You don’t have to share every activity, but find common interests and enjoy them together.

2.  Share the same faith together, praying and worshipping together.  It would be a good idea to discuss this one before you say “I do.”  If you don’t share the same faith, at the very least allow your mate to pursue their faith without provocation.

1.  Apply grace.  Let your mate be who they are and turn a blind eye to some of their personality flaws.  If you are a neat freak and she is a messie, find a way to make her more important than a pristine home.  If you don’t like how he does laundry, each of you wash your own clothes.  If your husband takes 6 months to complete a project that a handyman could have done in 6 days, don’t criticize his efforts to be a do-it-yourselfer.  You did not marry a carbon copy of yourself, no matter how much you feel like the two of you are soul mates.  Some things you have to give up control over…go ahead, loosen up that death grip.  Love your mate for whom they are, what they were created to be; stop trying to make them conform to your (or society’s) ideals.

These are the highlights of 17 years of wedded (mostly) bliss.  There are many other things that go into a happy marriage, but that is a good start.

Well, school, home, grandchild, etc. have kept me very busy.  Today we have a two-hour delay.  This is only a delay from school.  At home, I get up at the same time, or earlier, to snow blow the driveway.  I like to do this for my husband, since he doesn’t get delays from work.  I am not complaining; I love to use the snow blower!  Although, it would be nice to sleep in, too. 

Three days ago we had a delay.  I blew out the driveway and took a shower to get ready for school.  I figured I would get to school early and get some things done while it was quiet.  I got out of the shower and heard my cell phone ringing.  It was an automated message notifying us that school was cancelled.  I was wide awake and showered, so I made some scones.  Today I waited a little to see if school might be closed, but it looks like we are going to be open.  Off to the shower!

We camped over the Fall Break weekend at Shakamak State Park.  It was their Halloween Weekend, so we joined the fun.  There was a Haunted Pool House; that wasn’t too scary, but had some cool effects.  The scariest part was a little girl zombie that was saying, “Want to play?” in a sing-song voice. 

My brother and I had campsites next to each other, so we decorated the trees and brush by the road between our sites.  We had a short, spooky fence with skulls, skull string lights, a giant spider hanging from the tree branch, two fog machines, glow-in-the-dark spider webbing, scary music, etc.  One of the best parts was a body bag marked “City Morgue.”  People walked around during the day and looked at all of the decorated sites.  A little boy about 8 years-old stopped by our set-up and asked what was in the bag.  My husband told him he would have to come back later that night and find out. 

That night was trick-or-treating from campsite to campsite.  During trick-or-treating, my husband, brother, and a friend of my brother dressed up as part of the campsite decoration.  My brother dressed in a red robe and wore a red devil mask.  My husband dressed in a skeleton suit and laid partly in the body bag.  Their friend dressed as Michael Myers from the Halloween movies.  They stood frozen and baited people in who were wondering what part of the set-up was real.  My sister-in-law and I sat next to the scene, passing out candy and watching people’s reactions; I also had the job of lowering/raising the big spider for awhile.  It was awesome! 

Here are the top 6 memories of the night:

6.  The first group had a lady that said, “If you scare me, I’m going to kick you in the balls.”  Needless to say, the red devil and skeleton on the ground didn’t move.  After quickly assessing if he was at a safe distance, Michael Myers made a move and scared her.  She didn’t follow through with her  threat, thankfully.

5.  A group had their dog with them.  The dog started barking at my brother with the devil mask.  My brother got on all fours and was growling at the dog.  The dog pulled on his leash and kept barking; my brother crawled forwarding, growling. 

4.  The little guy that wanted to know what was in the body bag came by, but he wouldn’t get close to look.  His dad kept trying to get him to come closer.  A girl about 11, walked up talking all brave.  When my husband lifted up and yelled, she screamed and back pedaled, bent in half and almost falling over.  The dad said, “She isn’t with us, but that was cool!” 

3.  A boy said his sister’s name, Lexie.  After they got their candy, my husband, the skeleton, lifted up and growled, “Lexieeeeee.”  Her jaw dropped open and she screamed, well, like a little girl.  

2.   Two moms came back and asked if our guys would scare their boys.  Of course they would!  I asked what their names were…Kevin, Bryce, and Kyle.  As the moms left to get the boys, my brother said, “I’ve got Kevin,” my husband said, “I’ve got Bryce,” my brother’s friend said, “And I’ve got Kyle.”  The boys walked up apprehensively, and the moms kept trying to get them to come closer.  As the boys got closer, the devil, skeleton, and Michael Myers moved one at a time, saying their names, “Kevin,” “Bryce,” “Kyle.”  Those boys were freaking out!! They were running in different directions, running into each other and trapped by the candy table. 

1.  And the best memory of the night was a little boy of about 3 years-old dressed as a dinosaur.  My husband lifted up and did a little “Boo” so he wouldn’t be too scary.  The little boy’s eyes got really wide, and he stood frozen for a moment.  Then he started growling at my husband.  The guys started laughing, and the little boy kept growling…too cute!